August 2010
“Each time I think I’ve made a connection with someone… once they find out what I can do, whether it’s hours or days later, everything changes. Invariably they freak. They get retroactivly paranoid, wondering what else Clark Kent is hiding from them.”
—Superman
Right On Target
So walking into a Walmart at 3 am, you expect to see some crazy stuff. That’s normal, it’s just what happens when you go to Walmart. Target on the other hand? I don’t think it really has the same reputation. So when I tell you that what I saw at the Boot Ranch Target in Tarpon Springs, Florida on Monday of this week blew my friggin’ mind… you know I’m not kidding, because I wouldn’t make that up. So here’s how this all started. I needed to get my friend a birthday gift, granted, I missed the party for reasons that need not be exposed here, but it’s the thought that counts right? And I wanted to get this girl, Gia Berrios, The Wizard of Oz, because she’s never seen it, crazy, I know. And Walmart does not have it? Foreshamed Walmart, but that’s not the point. Everything happens for a reason. I am at Target, around 3-4ish in the afternoon with Alyssa Sichak and Michael Matheson, they’re pretty cool, and we’re looking through films for the Wizard of Oz. You know, normal everyday shopping. When all of a sudden, Alyssa does a super double take to her right, and then turns to Mikey and myself and tells us to do the same. Lo and behold, down the aisle, tuning radios or some crazyness, is a woman in her 60s, completely naked save for a pair of bikini bottoms, just chilling out in aisle. Now my first thought is, “I wonder what station she’s listening to?”, but of course, there are more prevalent matters at hand here, for example, where the hell was the Wizard of Oz? Also, how did she get in in the first place? And it really was not hot enough in there for her to need to take off all her clothes. SO, I’m still looking for the movie, Mikey and Alyssa are snickering away in some other aisle leaving me by my lonesome, when a Target employee comes around and sees the woman. She throws us one of those “What the hell do I do in this situation?” kind of looks, and we all start busting laughing. Now if this situation was not weird enough to begin with, this woman is creeping on like a professional level, she’s ambling about babbling to herself, and like fiddling with the radios. Now I don’t know her side of the story but it seemed pretty sketchy to me. Long story short, Target employees throw a towel off the shelves and onto Grandma’s shoulders and the hilarity continues. By that time we had located the Wizard of Oz, which was in like the kids section on the very bottom shelf near like Stuart Little, sorry Jonathan Lipnicki. Which I totally knocked over all 11 copies of that movie because I’m a klutz. SO. Well done Target employees, way to be clutch in a dire situation like that. Right on Target.
